Shade
By Peter John Gardner
People that regularly play poker and blackjack hate me. Despise me. Why? Because I’m one of those people that rarely every gambles, has to be dragged kicking and screaming into a poker game, and when I finally play, I clean house. I have no idea why.
Shade is a poker movie much in the same vein as Rounders. Had they not been made so closely in conjunction with each other, this film might have seen a wider release because not only does it feature a great cast, but the movie is pretty damn good. If you’ve seen any poker or heist movies, then you know the drill with the plot. A group of hustlers, played by Gabriel Byrne, Jamie Foxx, and Stuart Townsend make their money in the seedy world of guys that play card games in dusty warehouses all day. They hatch a plan to take down the seemingly undefeatable card player known as "The Dean", played by Stallone in a role that actually requires him to act. A little bit, at least. Anyway, double crosses abound, things don’t go as well as planned, yet everything is tied up in a satisfying ending that didn’t leave me confused as to how the actual heist went down. I love me some heist movies, but there have been a few where when the whole plan is finally revealed, I’m left confused. Can anyone explain to me exactly how they pulled off their heist in Ocean’s 12?
I don’t hate poker or any other card game, I just avoid it because I’m scared of losing. All of my life, I’ve been terrible at math and my memory is like a static filled channel on television that never quite comes in clear. Math and memory are the two main skills to have in order to be a successful poker player, both of which I don’t have. Yet, as I mentioned earlier, I do great at poker, and there’s nothing more enraging to a seasoned poker vet than losing to the guy that obviously has no idea what he’s doing, yet he still ends up with a straight.
A big element to gambling is risk, and perhaps that’s why I avoid it. I’m too much of a pussy to put anything of value (literally and figuratively) up at stake when the outcome depends on a test of my skill.
Maybe I’ve grown smart enough to not trust my ego. Sure, I may slay the few times that I do decide to play, but if I played more often, I’d definitely lose more than I’d win, so don’t consider this to be a brag fest about my poker "skills". That being said, if any of you out there are planning a heist of some sort, please include me. I could be the secret weapon, the newbie that the regulars can’t read easily. Or just let me drive the getaway car.
