Avenging Angelo
By Peter John Gardner
Until I watched this movie, I never knew that a corpse could fart. Thanks to Project Stallone, I now know that a corpse can fart and rudely interrupt conversations.
I thought that this might have been a goof done on the part of the scriptwriter for a cheap laugh, so I decided to use this opportunity to do some research. I came across the following webpage, Facts on Farts (http://www.heptune.com/farts.html). Along with other useful facts like how men can fart through their urethra (Ladies, look out), I learned that people can, in fact, fart post-mortem.
The movie itself is like a fart on Stallone's resume. It was brief, it stunk, but Stallone himself probably enjoyed it. Avenging Angelo has Stallone playing a bodyguard, Frankie Delano, to Anthony Quinn's mob boss, Angelo. As you can probably infer by the title of the movie, Angelo dies early in the film. Anthony Quinn also died shortly after the making of this film. Coincidence or death by Stallone movie? I prefer the latter since it makes me giggle.
We learn that Angelo had a daughter named Jennifer and, of course, Frankie has to protect her from the bad guys that were out to kill Angelo. When she accepts the fact that her real dad is a mob boss, she seeks vengeance. Jennifer also learns that her husband has been screwing around with just about every woman he can get his hands on, so a romance develops between Frankie and Jennifer.
As I mentioned earlier, there is a farting corpse in this movie, so it's a comedy which came as a surprise to me because the dvd cover and trailer for this movie led me to believe that this was going to be a cheap thriller. Judging by the failure of every previous attempt Stallone's made at comedy, they probably figured that it would be more financially sound to market the film as a thriller. That's sad because as a comedy, it works better than any of Sly's other films. I'm not saying the movie is hilarious and you should rent it immediately, but I think this movie marks the first time that I laughed with a Stallone movie instead of at. Come on, it's got a farting corpse!
Farts are funny but the release of one at the wrong time can prove disastrous. I can't even begin to count how many times I've sat in class near a girl that I had the hots for, and the growling of my stomach would sound like a fart. No matter how many times I try to save myself by pretending I was shifting in my chair, the damage has already been done. She's not going to believe that was a stomach growl. To her, that was a fart and will always be a fart. I'll forever be known as the guy that farted in front of her.
Flatulence can be rude too. During a routine visit to the dentist for a cleaning and checkup, the dental hygienist let one rip while I was stuck on the chair with my mouth pried open. It wasn't a stomach growl because it really stunk. Badly. I could tell she was embarrassed because she immediately started making small talk with me even though I couldn't really say anything with my mouth wide open like that and her fart fumes drifting in. I was forced to inhale her poop particles against my will. A fart rape, if you will. Such is my luck.
