Eye See You
By Peter John Gardner
Seriously, that's the title of this movie. I don't remember this one appearing in the theaters at all, so I think this might be Stallone finally hitting rock bottom in his career and making straight to video releases.
Why do movies like this go straight to video? For starters, read the title again. Who the hell would take that seriously when looking at a theater marquee? At least other projects with silly names (Snakes on the Motherfuckin' Plane) had self-awareness of its ridiculousness. Even Stallone's self-penned scripts had better titles.
To be fair, the "eye" part of the title refers to the only cool thing about this movie, and I'll get to that in a bit. Eye See You has Stallone playing a cop...again...who is hot on the trail of a cop killer. Now, the method in which the villain kills in this movie is knocking on the cops door and when the victim checks the peephole, which everyone in this movie conveniently has, a DRILL comes through the hole and right into their eyeball, at which point the killer kicks down the door and hilarity ensues. Problem is, that's pretty much the only way this guy kills people throughout the entire movie. Even C grade horror movie villains would at least change things up every now and again.
With Stallone in hot pursuit of this asshole, the villain ends up murdering Sly's wife which sends Sly into a grief counseling program for police officers which they strangely refer to as a "detoxing" program. When doing research for this movie, I found that the working title of this movie was D-Tox, and it was still titled as such when released internationally. While D-Tox is a hokey title as well, I really want to know who it was during the production that thought Eye See You was an exponentially better title.
Anyhoo, the program takes place in a remote area of Wyoming, and soon enough cops are turning up dead. It's really not hard to guess who the killer is in a movie like this. You just have to look for the guy that normally plays a villain and then patiently wait out the remaining 70 minutes of the film's running time.
Do you ever wonder if people that produce really shitty movies are proud of themselves after the fact? I wonder if the writers high-fived each other after coming up with the name "Eye See You".
I wonder if the director thought that he had a blockbuster in his hands when making this film.
I wonder if Sly has any regrets about his career.
I wonder what kind of people pass by this in the video store and think to themselves, "Alright! This looks like it'll be great!"
I wonder if Sly and Robert Patrick ever became friends after doing two movies together.
I wonder why there is an actor in this movie whose name is simply "Mif".
I wonder if the producers thought to themselves, "We gotta get that Mif guy in this"
I wonder if, like Stallone's choice in roles, this is getting too repetitious, and I think it is.
