Oscar
By Peter John Gardner
Sly's first attempt at intentional comedy since Rhinestone was marketed as a movie for the whole family when it was released, so one would assume that Oscar is one of those films that's mainly meant for kids but also has a few jokes that only adults would understand. I remember seeing this when I was a kid and not understanding the plot at all nor finding it funny. Don't mistake my naivity for being pretentious at the tender age of ten. Around the same time, I thought that Axl Rose was a great singer and womens' breasts were filled with juice. Since I didn't understand the film, and it wasn't a Star Wars or Ghostbusters movie, I duly forgot about it.
After watching Oscar as an adult, I was able to understand the plot, and the reason that it flew over my head as a kid is because it centers around situations that a kid wouldn't care about it (confusion about who the baby's daddy is, being double crossed by accountants, marriage arrangements). The film's plot is of the Murphy's Law variety. Stallone is Snaps Provolone, a mobster who vowed to his dying father that he would go straight. The morning that he's supposed to make his final transistion into a banker, he finds out that his daughter is pregnant, his accountant is trying to screw him over, and his henchmen won't stop calling him 'boss', a running joke that's not funny the first time nor the seventeenth time it comes up in the movie.
Trying to incorporate this piece of shit into my own life is where I'm drawing a blank. I've never been involved in organized crime, I don't have a rebellious daughter or an accountant, and I don't know anyone named Oscar that could be the real father of my daughter's kid. Maybe that's my problem. I'm a simple guy who leads a simple life. I don't ask for much, and I have no problem at all with being left alone. I've been through enough drama in the past that I purposely remove myself from situations that could potentially cause unwanted drama.
I've become bored with my life for the past year and a half, and perhaps it needs complications to its plot, whether they be good or bad. I've become so defensive that I back away from situations that could be problematic, and I think it's time for that to stop. It's time for me to stop thinking too much about things and just go ahead and fucking do it and deal with whatever problems may arise when it's time. Now, I'm not going to run out today and impregnate some woman just to practice what I'm preaching but I think I'm smart enough and have good enough judgement to deal with life matters that I always told myself I couldn't handle. I've learned a lot since I was that naive little kid watching Oscar in 1991. At the very least, I know that womens' breasts are NOT filled with juice.
